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Fourteen years ago, Ally (Pseudonym) came to know Ah Kian (Pseudonym) who is fifteen years older than her in a Karaoke, it was not long after that they fell in love and married. They lived in Kulai, Johor. Ally had worked as a receptionist at a clinic and a supermarket before. Ah Kian did not receive much education, he started working and dropped out of school at a very young age. After Ally delivered, she stayed at home to care for their children. To Ally, Ah Kian is a hardworking man who is willing to sacrifice for the family. They have two daughters, and although they could not afford luscious food on the table but were manageable with their income. Sometimes, when finances are tight, they have to resort to overnight food.
Will You Look Down on Mummy?Previously, whenever Ally faced some problems, she would just take it as it was, she would not speak out or express her thoughts. On top of that, she has been taking care of the elderly at home for some time, accumulation of suppressed feelings gradually turned into an emotional illness. One day about three years ago, Ally’s sister noticed she was experiencing some emotional disturbance. She invited Ally to her house and discovered that Ally’s left toe was wounded and seemed to be quite severe, so she urged Ally to go to a hospital for a check-up. The doctor told them that Ally’s left big toe was infected, and suggested to her to do an amputation. The next month after diagnosis, the infection spread to the 2nd and 3rd toes, and it had to be amputated too. The speed of amputation seemed to be slower than the infection because when entering the third month, the two toes left were also infected. Again, it had to be amputated. So, after being in and out for more than three months, the doctor decided to amputate the whole left calf to prevent further complications. Ally’s tormented days were finally over on the eve of Chinese New Year.
After a prosthetic was fitted on, Ally’s emotion did not turn better. Her emotion became even more unstable, she would suddenly burst into tears when she was alone. Ally was diagnosed with Diabetes when she was around the age of sixteen, the blood veins at the back of her eyes were injured, resulting in only 20% vision remaining in her left eye. Now with the addition of the amputation of her left calf, she was worried people would look down on her. One day, she asked her daughter: “Do you ever look down on mummy?” Her daughter answered: “Cut a limb only, nothing to look down on.” Ally’s daughter's answer had given great encouragement to her. Many times, when Ally noticed that her emotion was getting disturbed and might hurt herself or family members, she would quickly lock herself in the room or call her mother for help to avoid any disastrous event. Money Could Not Buy the Feeling of Being Cared ForZhou Yun and Serene Lim are volunteers of 7979 Care Station of Gereja Presbyterian Holy Light Tun Aminah. Their first visit to Ally’s place was when she was experiencing severe gastric and had been throwing out. During that time, Ah Kian and their two daughters took turns caring for her. After Zhou Yun and Serene Lim understood the conditions of the family, they decided to apply for aid from the 7979 Crisis Intervention Fund, so that their burden would be lessened. Later on, Zhou Yun and Serene Lim would visit Ally occasionally, she finally felt that there was someone who would listen to her anguish and care for her. “Money cannot buy this feeling of being cared for. I know Zhou Yun and Serene Lim genuinely cared for me, they are not bothered by who I am, and they understand my pain.”
Serene Lim is a counsellor, she provides counselling in dealing with Ally’s depression. Ally said: “10% changes are still changes.” Now, she is learning how to manage her emotion, especially when her temper builds up, she would try to cool herself down before speaking to her husband or children. Out of her expectations, she noticed that her tiny changes were slowly affecting her husband and her two daughters. Ally shared that in her process of receiving counselling, she learned to praise others for their good, this was something that never existed in the family. Ally’s depression has not fully recovered, sometimes she still falls into depression, however, she hopes that her path of self-recovery will be successful. Every Caring Move Prevent Ally’s Family From Being Easily Defeated
The poor song of sorrow seems to be relentless. Not long ago, Ah Kian would occasionally feel dizzy, after a hospital check-up, he was found to have heart failure and had to place a pacemaker. This sudden bad news left the family in a more difficult condition. Ally and her two daughters, the three of them hugged together and cried all their hearts out, they were in great anguish. “What would happen if my husband collapsed? I can’t work and we still have two daughters…” Ally poured out helplessly, but on the other hand, she told her family: “If we hold on to each other, then we will not be defeated.” Again, after Zhou Yun and Serene Lim became aware of the family’s predicament, they applied for aid from the 7979 Crisis Intervention Fund and with the addition of monthly food bags provision. Although this sum of money cannot fully solve the problems that they are facing, Ally is still thankful for the assistance provided by this group of friends and caring organisations. With the caring moves that these volunteers provide, Ally’s family will not be defeated easily. 十四年前,阿丽(化名)与比自己大十五岁的坚哥(化名)在一家卡拉OK相识,不久俩人便堕入爱河。结婚后,他们定居在柔佛士古来镇。阿丽曾在家庭诊所当诊所助理,也试过在超市打工。坚哥读书不多,很早就出来工作。阿丽生产后,就在家照顾孩子。在阿丽心中,坚哥是一个勤劳工作,愿意为家庭付出的男人。他们有一双女儿,一家四口虽不是常年大鱼大肉,但还是能过过日子。比较穷的时候,也经常要吃隔夜饭。 你会看不起妈咪吗?早前,阿丽遇到问题时,总是逆来顺受,不善于倾诉和表达自己。加上照顾家里的长辈,积累在心中的抑郁成了心理疾病。三年前某一天,阿丽的姐姐知道她情绪不稳定,邀请阿丽到家里坐。姐姐发现阿丽左脚拇指有伤口,似乎还很严重,便催促阿丽到医院做检查。医生说阿丽的左脚拇指患有细菌感染,建议阿丽截肢。第二个月,细菌感染扩散到左脚第二与第三只脚趾,阿丽需要再截肢。医生帮阿丽截肢的速度赶不上细菌快速扩散,第三个月,阿丽左脚剩下的两个脚趾头也遭殃。来回共三个多月,为避免夜长梦多,医生最终决定帮阿丽左边小腿截肢,阿丽煎熬的日子也在华人农历新年前终于告一段落。 装上义肢,并没让阿丽换上好心情。她的情绪越发不稳定,一个人的时候会不自觉爆哭。阿丽在十五,六岁时就患有糖尿病,眼睛后部血管损伤,导致左眼只剩二十巴仙视力。现在又失去左脚,阿丽很担心被人看不起。有天,她问女儿:“妳会看不起妈咪吗?”女儿回答:“Tok脚(福建话:切脚)罢了嘛,有什么看不起的。”女儿的回应给了阿丽带来很大的安慰。好几次,阿丽发现自己的状态不对,出现要伤害自己和家人的行为。她便把自己关在房间或打电话给母亲求助,才避免更严重的事情发生。 被关心的感觉,用钱买不到周芸和莉莉是皇后圣光7979全人关怀站的志工。她们第一次拜访阿丽时,阿丽正胃不舒服,一直呕吐。那时,坚哥和两位女儿轮流照顾阿丽。周芸和莉莉了解阿丽一家的处境后,便为他们申请7979急难救助金,减少一些家庭负担。后来,周芸和莉莉每隔一段时间都会探访阿丽,让阿丽感受到有人愿意聆听和关心自己的处境:“被关心的感觉,真的是用钱买不到的。周芸和莉莉真的是在关心我,不在乎我是一个怎么样的人。她们明白我的痛。” 莉莉也是一名辅导员,在阿丽忧郁的问题上提供个人辅导。阿丽说:“十巴仙的改变也是改变。” 现在,她开始学习管理自己的情绪,特别是脾气来的时候,先冷静自己,再跟丈夫和孩子沟通。意外地,阿丽发现她微小的改变,也一点一滴影响丈夫和两个女儿。阿丽说,她在接受辅导的过程中学习在好的事情上给予肯定,这是过去的家庭环境从未有过的。阿丽的忧郁疾病还没全然康复,有时还会陷入低谷,但她希望自己有天能做到自我疗愈。 每个关怀,让阿丽一家不轻易倒下穷人悲歌唱不完。不久前,坚哥时不时感觉头晕,检查后发现他患有心脏衰竭,需要装置心律调节器。突如其来的坏消息,让他们一家陷入更加艰难的境地。阿丽和两个女儿三人抱在一起大哭,大家都非常痛心。“如果老公倒了,我们该怎么办?我又没有能力工作,家里还有两个女儿……”阿丽非常无助地说。但同时,她也告诉家人,“只要我们相互扶持,就不会倒下。”得知阿丽的情况后,周芸和莉莉再次为阿丽一家申请7979急难救助金和送出每月干粮。虽然这一笔钱并不能完全解决阿丽的困境,但阿丽非常感谢身边还是有一些朋友和关怀组织的协助。有了他们每一个人的关怀,阿丽一家不会轻易倒下。 Comments are closed.
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